Founder: Julie Carr
To see my story, click here!
Twitter and Facebook Moderator: Vicky Smith
Walking through the streets of New York City, I thought ‘I could live here’ then as the day ended and I fell into the old pattern, going into shop after shop buying food, binging & purging in the hostel, I realized I wasn’t going anywhere with the eating disorder.At 13 I began restricting what I ate, convinced I could disappear and start over. 14 and I hated myself, I tried to end everything, when it didn’t work and people believed I was attention seeking, I made up my mind to hide it better.I loved chocolate and the urge to eat it, eat anything became so strong I began hiding food and bingeing at night. I was disgusted with myself. At some point I started to purge. I was starving myself and then would binge and purge. At 17 I could not hide it anymore, drinking became the norm between friends and I would drink too much at every party. I didn’t feel as though I could carry on, yet I could not stop either. Other forms of self harm grew to be my escape.When I turned 18, I took a gap year and traveled to the States on a student exchange, something there made me decide ‘I don’t want this anymore’ and I asked a teacher for help. Within a week, I was asked to leave the school & sent back home without any support and 8 months to fill before going university.I felt the ed was my identity, I was useless and pathetic, I took an overdose once again which landed my in hospital for 2 weeks but they were not equipped to deal with eating disorders and I discharged myself. I was fortunate to see a psychiatric nurse until I went to uni, I couldn’t talk, I would sit in silence with my thoughts going round & round shouting at me to say something. But it was a comfort just being there and I stopped self harming.University came around, I was determined to be me, no one was going to know about the ed. I was trying not to binge or purge, the night I gave in, a week after I arrived I was raped in my dorm room, I felt lost & ashamed & the ed was the only way I knew how to cope.I got through uni, then and for a few years afterwards I moved jobs every few months, moved home every year and traveled as much as possible. The travel I loved, it let me see how things could be, nothing else mattered but that moment. So when in NYC at 25 I knew it had to stop.Over 3 years of therapy helped me kick ed away; the self harm started again but I slowly learnt to cope in healthier ways. So many times I didn’t think I would ever get to where I am today, in my 30’S, recovered and loving my life.As a teenager there was no help available where I lived for eating disorders and after I moved away I was scared, didn’t know where to turn too. Reading other people’s recovery stories gave a sense that ‘yes it is possible to get through this’. It takes a long time, recovery isn’t a straight line but it really is possible. I wish to add my voice and make this said even louder for those who are still struggling with ed. Show that ed doesn’t have to be in your life.
Blog layout/publishing: Brittany Michele
I have never been a first-time winner at anything. I’m a stubborn, creative, and feisty young woman who took years and years to rediscover her voice and her right to use it. I always start my story with this song lyric: So stuck, you made a home inside your pain. Because that’s always been my story. I got so used to living in my life filled with heartache and struggle that I lost all sight of hope. But then I always share this: You don’t have to stay in the same old place, throwing it all away. Don’t hold to the pain, to the hurt, to the shame, that keeps coming back like a boomerang. There’s grace that’s stronger, holds on longer, deeper than your wounds — just come back to life. And that is my story: this constant journey of coming back to life. I’ve battled anorexia with bulimic episodes for years now; been inpatient, residential, outpatient, individual, all of the above several times. Life isn’t perfect, and neither is recovery. I’m in transition — working hard to keep fighting even when it gets tough; with relapse or lapse, thriving and living; it’s all relative. For me, I’ve always felt my feelings physically, through my body. I’m a sober alcoholic and heroin addict, who has been living in recovery for more than three years. I’m learning to live in my body — healthy and symptom free, bouncing back when slips happen and reaching out, despite how silent I fear my voice is. One day at a time, I continue to fight. I’m 25 years old and I work as a journalist. I’m pursuing grad school to get my masters degree in clinical mental health so I can work with women through substance abuse counseling.